i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
