I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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