And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
