This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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