Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
