Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Found your dick twin last night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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