Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
