Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
