id be glad to
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
