she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
