Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
