Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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