It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
