so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
