we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
