please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
