My sheets look like a crime scene.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
