i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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