I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
this hospital has no fireball
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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