i barfeds in our rink
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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