Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
