I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
