Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
