One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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