VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
