I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
