I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
my liver is dry heaving
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
