woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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