I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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