It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
