dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
