i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
