he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
