were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
