if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
