You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
