tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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