wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
