I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
