You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
