i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
