1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Pappa wants mamma naked
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
