Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Two words: blizzard sex
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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