at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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