She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
