are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
