I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
