I wish my penis had an off switch
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
