Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
