I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
