ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
