My friends, they love my intelligence
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
