so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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